Friday, October 10, 2003
Boredom can kill a man
So something changed. I don't know what, but something did. It just crept up to me yesterday while I was staring into the ceiling trying to fall asleep. I have grown old, I think. Life seems to fly by me too fast, I can't grasp it and tell it to hold still, to let me rest for a bit.
I am trying to find purpose in life now, else it seems everyday is just another day. I can just sit there and enjoy a sunrise and a sunset. It is a good feeling since the view is breath taking. I sometime wished I could not age and sit there and watch the sunsets and sunrises. However, no matter how calm I feel watching the sun, and feel its warmth on my face, I feel I lack purpose and feel a little sadden by it.
Seems that life is getting too monotonous, too fixed. I wished I could just take up and leave.. Go somewhere else.. But when I think about it.. That seems kind of pointless too.. I guess I am at loss here. Need a goal, not a short term one, but a long term one. If I were to leave today, how many people will I have affected? How many people will remember me?
"It is just a midlife crisis" says the little voice in my head.... I hope so...
